Funny Quotes About Life
This site has a single purpose: to share funny quotes about life.
These quotes are sometimes profound, sometime a little raw, and sometimes silly, but they all share 2 things in common:
- They're all funny quotes.
- They're all quotes about life.
Here are the quotations:
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon." -Woody Allen
"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television." -Woody Allen
"Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all." -Arthur Balfour
"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them." -Dave Barry
"The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time." -John Barrymore
"It's possible, you can never know, that the universe exists only for me. If so, it's sure going well for me, I must admit." -Bill Gates
"Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is." -Milton Berle
"The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one." -Erma Bombeck
"I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit." -Mel Brooks
"Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on". -Samuel Butler
"I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth." -Janeane Garofalo
"Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious." -Brendan Gill
"My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can." -Cary Grant
"I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it." -Jack Handey
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." -Bob Hope
"Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent." -R. D. Laing
"Outside of a dog, a book is your best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." -Will Rogers
"Everything has been figured out, except how to live." -Jean-Paul Sartre
"I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it." -Charles Schulz
"Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?" -George Bernard Shaw
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat." -Lily Tomlin
"Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." -Mark Twain
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." -Mark Twain
"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar Wilde
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." -Oscar Wilde
"I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works." -Oscar Wilde
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about." -Oscar Wilde
"Nothing succeeds like excess." -Oscar Wilde
I hope you've enjoyed our collection of funny life quotes and sayings. If you have a humorous quotation you'd like to submit, please contact us, and maybe we'll expand the page. Thanks for visiting.